Age 2-4

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I have no memory of the flight to the US in 1987, so despite this and this period being a hugely significant marker in my life, I rely almost entirely on the memories of others to construct this history. Even my memories in Chicago start out as mere wisps of thought, but gradually build into an image of identity at around age 3 as I developed a sense of agency and grasp of the workings of the world (as well as a 3 year old can).

In Chicago, we lived in the Green (possibly; unconfirmed) apartments somewhere close to the UIC campus. This would have been near-South Side, current Little Italy, but in the late 1980s, which was notorious for crime. This coincided with an rising epidemic of gun violence sweeping across America, and formed the beginnings of "no tolerance" policies of the 90s across schools in the United States. My family was fortunate enough to never have any incidents, and whatever sense of fear my parents may have felt, I was never exposed to it, but in later stories from my parents and grandmother who came to visit, I was told that the fear of crime was pervasive through this period, and was a factor in us moving to the northern Chicago suburb of Evanston in 1989.

Despite all the adult concerns going on, I remember this period of childhood as a fun time when I observed the world from above (the apartment window), experimented with my surroundings to learn how things worked, and enjoyed as adventures the outings with my parents and grandmother to places of work for my parents. I don't remember too much *talking* during this time, and it is something that I feel could have helped me, but I quickly developed a sense for language and I remember my mother teaching me Korean from colored flashcards. Not that it helped me in school where i was learning English, but my parents largely spoke Korean at home, and learning what I did from these flashcards it gave me some basic literacy, and a sense for how the languages were connected.

We lived rather modestly but fortunately had somewhat of a community through my parents' connections when they came to the United States. Getting to enjoy a birthday party at McDonalds was a treat. Despite, or maybe because of all this, birthdays were always special. They were always celebrated though my mom's philosophy on gift-giving was that it couldn't be asked for. While as a child, this led to some frustrations for me (other kids got to pick their present!), I must acknowledge that my parents never failed to provide what I needed, and taught me a good principle on the intent of gift-giving, and gift-accepting, which I apply to this day to my friends and family.

//ASIDE ON GIFT GIVING: I do believe that the thought of the gift is essential, and the intent of giving it should be to give something the receiver wouldn't have gotten on their own. Usually, this means practical things for me, but I've given practical gifts before to friends, so it's not entirely a rule. //

My taste buds were quite different then, but I developed my love of sweets early. My favorite sweets were (in order) strawberries, gummy bears, and what I called the "orange drink" at McDonalds. It was this orange sugar water concoction without carbonation (My tastebuds were pretty weak back then, and I thought all fizzy drinks were unenjoyable till I was around 10.).

Around the time I was 3, I had a few key memories from Chicago: • I remember an incident with a friend, where we ate a small restaurant condiment dipper sized amount of salt and sesame oil. I mean, it was tasty for some reason, and I must have not had enough sodium. It wasn't a whole lot, probably only a couple grams split between us, though, I guess I was only 3. When our parents found out, they were a mixture of concerned and terrified. My mom was relatively calm and told me to drink lots of water (which I did), but my friend's mom rushed him to the bathroom and ordered him to pee. Odd reaction, and even now, I don't get the rationale, though it's probably something to do with hydrostatic equilibrium.

• I remember grandma (dad's side) carrying me on her back and getting gummy bears. I seem to remember her being slightly hilariously racist (can one not be?) but I don't fault her for that. This was, after all, the early 90s and near the South Side of Chicago. Rough place and time.

The building my dad worked at, for instance, seemed quite creepy-cool. The relative absence of windows, especially in my dad's laser lab with its massive lasers, mirrors, holograms, and computers, made for an amazingly nerdy environment. I remember taking a shareware copy of Doom there on disks to try to install and play it, as my 386 at home couldn't push more than 3 FPS.

I remember there being lots of keys, and how easy it was to get lost. I had to explore of course, and occasionally, I'd end up lost and had to make my way back. The entire building had dark hallways, almost like a dyspotian spaceship. You couldn't really tell the time of day from anywhere except the entirely isolated window offices. Somehow, I suspect it was due to the Cold War and bomb-impact considerations on design, but it left for a very fortress (or cave) like feeling. Early-childhood memories like watching The Black Hole, or playing System Shock brought my eerie chills.

Barely any memories, but some relics remain. I remember a plate with blue handprints, dated from some time in 1989. It must have been from when we were in Chicago, but my memories of it are all from Evanston, a year later 1990… As for my time in Korea (until 1987), my memories are practically zero. I do remember being shown photos of myself from when I was 2 at around the age of 4, but I distinctly remember questioning whether it was still me.

As for Chicago, I also seem to remember there being a pool, and going at least a couple times. This memory was reinforced by a photo I saw of a concrete pool.

Campus Green UIC Green Room (1989-1990?) I call this place in my memory the Green Room because that’s what we called it back then. Officially, it was a preschool care service that my dad had access to as a grad student at UIC, and it's where I spent a good chunk of my weekday mornings, but every day started with a 20 minute commute in our family car. I was an only child at that point--a state which I need to remind myself, because our family was different then.

Mom was either at home, or at school.

I have trances of memories of my first days at the Green Room. I remember

I hardly remember anything prior to that, but I believe I was around 4 at this point.

On dad working

The architecture at UIC was certainly memorable. I later learned it was inspired by a wave of brutalism in the 50s-60s as the post-modern world tried to figure out what's cool. But by the late 80s, it's dual negative associations with the problems with public housing projects, and as a nature of an almost military like-look began to turn the once avant-garde into an eyesore. I knew none of this, and just thought the building my dad worked at was super-cool.